Why me?

“From the beginning” Emerson Lake and Palmer

October 19, 1958….Daniel Freeman Hospital Inglewood, California. This is where I first saw the light of day. Daniel Freeman hospital was (its now condos) about a half mile north of where the Forum would be built. I beat the Forum by about 9 years. More on this later.

My first home was 3906 W. 176th street in Torrance. As a little kid, I wanted tonka trucks… I wish I would have kept them. This was before the south bay curve of the 405 parking lot opened. Mom would tell me “go play on the freeway” and I did.

“Bye bye, So long, Farewell” the Happenings

As a young kid I had no idea about my father Pete. I couldn’t understand why dad wasn’t there after 1962. Later on I found out why. He was an alcoholic, lying, womanizer all his life, and he totally screwed my mom in the divorce. As I grew older, I wanted to have a relationship with him. It was ONE sided. I would call, go see him and my stepmother (a real vile person) up in Lake Isabella. He would NEVER call me on my birthday or come see me. It came to a head in 1987. His mother, and my favorite grandma, passed away. I had been living in an apt for 2 years…. when I found out she passed and was buried, I was livid. I called him up (29 years of pent up angst came out). I told him off…in no uncertain terms. I was so mad, I said I am changing my last name from Bruches to Busser…. I was bluffing… his last words ever to me were… “Go ahead I could care less”. That was the last thing he ever said to me. Later on after my mother passed in 1992, my stepdad got a letter from Ellie, his wife. She said in the letter we are sorry to hear the passing of Ronnie (my mom). AND in the next paragraph she said “We had no idea she died, since WE disowned Bob”…. That didn’t hurt as it made me angry. I would do what I did all over again. Pete died alone in 1995.

“Child in time” Deep Purple

My early years were pretty normal, except for the upheaval of a divorce in the family. Our Torrance house had a huge swimming pool and I had a Flintstones pool car toy to ride around in.

In 1963, we moved to Downey into an apartment which I do not remember very well, except for November 22, 1963. It was sometime in 1963 that my mom met Bill Busser at Rockwell in Downey where they worked. They ended up getting married in 1964 and bought a brand new house in GASP Buena Park…which at the time Orange County still had tons of orange groves. This is where it starts to unravel for me. I was a decent student, but even at a young age, I knew I was different..meaning I did NOT want the 9 to 5 35 year job at ALL… Baseball especially, was my outlet. I was one of the transistor radio kids of the 60’s. Listening to Vin Scully on KFI radio in the summer…the radio under my pillow…I would drift off to sleep listening to Vin describe all the old ballparks (that are gone now) in only the way he could. I KNEW I had to see these places for myself. I was absorbed with baseball.. had thousands and thousands of cards from the golden era of Topps… 50s and 60s cards. Koufax, Mays, Mantle, Aaron..all of em.. In roughly 1968 mom was pissed at me for something (she had bad mood swings). So she TORE up all my cards.. at todays rate WELL over 250K in cards. I cried my eyes out as a 10 year old.. the wedge had begun.

“The Wall” Pink Floyd

In September of 1972, Herman Lee Clouston killed a Buena Park cop and was on the loose. He was also a child molester etc…yeah a real prince. Police reports had him in our area. Calder Jr. High had just let out and we were all walking home. I get home and mom had a note for me.. LOCK the doors, there is a cop killer in our neighborhood. I am at your brothers house”…. WHO does that to a 13 year old? More for my memory bank.

Also at that time in Junior High, I got to work as an on air jock at the Jr. High radio station…the only one of its kind at the time in the US. I still have my license. My first afternoon shift I was so excited as any kid would be. I called mom saying hey I will be on the air this afternoon please listen!…. To preface it, we were an educational station for the school districts and did that programming, but I got to read commercials and introduce the next program etc.. I get home and ask my mom…Did you listen? I think you can guess the answer. NO, It interfered with my soap opera. I am not kidding. I was devastated… and I never ever told her again when I was on.

“Same old Song and Dance” Aerosmith

About this time my brother Bruce came back from Viet Nam. He changed and from then on bullied and name called me to this day. He used to threaten to hit me with his fists, and he is 10 years older than I am. Again, who does that to a kid? After he got back, our relationship really went south. He would belittle me, telling me NO one cared about my photos (more on that later) they sucked, you are too fat, you are a loser…the whole enchilada. He would say, I am doing this to HELP you. SMH. Yeah, I have no respect or love loss for him.

It was in High School that I developed a sense of humor. Not so much to make me laugh, but to hide the pain I was going thru. Mind you this is the mid 70’s and help was frowned upon…. So, I would make jokes and light of everything. It helped.

Back in 1964 I gained 2 step brothers David and Dale. David we call topper because NO matter what you have done or had, he had it worse or he did it better.. My brothers are all about money. Truth be told, they can’t stand each other no matter what they say.

“I’m a Fighter” Van Zant

In 1973 we moved to Fullerton and as a Sophomore, I enrolled at Fullerton High. Due to my upbringing, I had walls up and would not let anyone in. I was very shy and awkward in school. I resented my family. Mom was hot and cold. She could be nice one minute to me, and hell on earth the next. She had mental issues.. this is not to say what she did was right, but she had a very rough upbringing in Massachusetts. My grandfather was very strict and mean. Mom also had NO filter on her mouth. She would tell kids off and didn’t care. My neighbor, who lived across the street, was a cheerleader at Fullerton. I gave her a ride to school one day and when we got home, mom said to her, YOU went to school dressed like that??? She had on her cheerleader outfit, it was a pep rally day. Her mom happened to be there and pretty much told mom off…. funny, but her parents didn’t come over after that.

“I can see for miles” the Who

As I mentioned, I shut down as a teen. I know I could have gone to college and done well, but it wasn’t me. This is when my artistic side came out thru photography. This is where the belittling came in from Bruce and mom. Mom always called me “STUPNAGLE” a word she made up for stupid. I am FAR from that. At Christmas, Mom would bitch ONLY to me, no one else..about her upbringing. How she got an eraser and a piece of fruit for Christmas and that I was ungrateful. Same with my birthday. Same shit….different day. I grew to hate Christmas and birthdays. If I got money, I always heard “Its burning a hole in your pocket”…. more resentment. My brother Bruce used to tell my parents that I was a “Fag Heroin addict”. Truth be told, the strongest drugs I ever did was weed… Bruce wanted me disowned so he could get my inheritance. See the pattern here? Bruce was the meat plant manager for Lucky stores..and would brag to me that he was retiring at 45 with full benefits and living at the beach…. didn’t turn out that way…he was caught pilfering frozen lobster tails from work…yeah karma is a bitch. At 73 he is STILL working..again more Karma.

“Truckin…what a long strange trip it’s been” The Grateful Dead

While in high school, I was constantly bullied by 3 idiots. It got so bad, one of my teachers Mr. Knorr told me… deck the sonofabitch… and one day I did… and got expelled for a day. It was WORTH it…they never bothered me again. But the bullying at home was still there. Back to Christmas, which is a time for family. NOT at my house. I was ignored by just about everyone. Each year, my step brothers would ignore me as did Bruce and his family. I have NO Idea why.

One of the few times they were nice was in 1987. This was after I told my dad Pete where to go. My stepdad Bill and mom asked if I wanted to be a Busser like everyone else. Bill adopted Bruce some 20 years earlier (Bruce is a half brother). It was a fun party with family and friends… but the harmony didn’t last. After Mom (1992) and dad (1995) died, I KNEW it was the end for me and the family. Each christmas ignored. OR, I would talk to David and his wife and they would walk away from me. Time and time again. The last time was Christmas 2013 when I had had enough. I was talking to Teresa, David’s wife and she walked away…just left… and I said loud enough FU*CK you….she heard it…. later that day I told David, and of course it was all my fault. Earlier that day, I said to David and Dale, Norine (my wife) and I would like to host Christmas once up in the bay area where we live. They LAUGHED in my face and said NO WAY we would ever come…. a few min later David said to me, We just built a huge house in Prescott, Arizona and want everyone to come next year…. I looked him straight in the eye and said NO WAY…and walked away….later at dinner, it was potluck, I was getting something to eat and Dale was next to me, he looks at me and laughs and says HI TINY! I have had weight issues due to this family crap, binge eating. I made a vow then and there that this was it…I was done…As for my weight, well I have lost over 100 pounds and will NOT go back…. I feel human again!

“Liar” Queen

My mom had a sister Ann, noted pathological liar. Crude is being kind. I won’t get into it.. I was probably 15 when my grandmother (mom’s mom) died. 4 different people, both sets of parents and 2 aunts and uncles told me that I was to inherit all of my grandparents money. They liked me over the others. Well, here is where it goes bad. Ann said there was no will (she destroyed it) therefor SHE gets all the money. And it was a TON… strike two on cash…. NO ONE, especially my mom came to my defense…I got screwed. There is more, but I won’t go into it.

“When the Levee Breaks” Led Zeppelin

All thru my years till mid 30’s… I kept people away. I would not let anyone get close. Finally, Norine Winicki got thru. She saw the same bullshit from my family. Completely ignored. Once, Bruce told Norine, her parents and myself (mind you she is a lawyer) that HE knew more about law than she did….etc etc.. I remember the day exactly. My mother in-law was livid. She walked into the kitchen and said “What a F**king schmuck” about Bruce.. one of the worst things you can call someone in Yiddish. Bruce was and IS a pathological liar.

When Louise, my mother in law, died in 2014, not ONE person in my family sent condolences.. no one… none.. The cord had been cut forever. About a week after the funeral (my family all knew about it and no one went) Bruce calls… saying to me…. “EVERYONE in the family comes to me for investment advice…*a lie and a half*. And that I needed to let him handle our inheritance.. I listened and said to him, Joe (my father in law) was an investment banker and he did VERY well so we will go with his team of investors… I then told him (to tweak his buttons) that we have millions of reasons to thank Joe and Louise….dead silence on the phone… and a “well I am happy for you”. Then Click…that was 2014 and have not had contact with any of them since. BEST MOVE ever…. there is a lot more, but you get the picture. If it wasn’t for Norine and her family, I don’t know where I would have ended up.

“Roll me away” Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band

To conclude, I did it my way (with apologies to ol blue eyes)… as I stated earlier, I got into ballparks and arenas.. I had commercial jobs as a photog, and did well, but this is my passion. I am PROUD to say that in 2007, the baseball hall of fame in Cooperstown, New York has several of my ballpark photos on display. A VERY proud moment. In 2019, I received the Tony Salin award from the Baseball Reliquary at Whittier College. I am the only photographer to win that award. It is given to people who have a passion for the game in different veins. In October of 2021, I was inducted into my high school’s hall / wall of fame. As I told everyone in my speech, a long strange trip it’s been.

“Don’t look back” Boston

I know you may be thinking… why didn’t you leave and get out earlier. Fair question. I for one hate fighting and arguing. For as long as I can remember, I felt like an outsider in my own home. I tried to hold it all together until I had enough. No matter what I wanted to do or did, it was never good enough for my mom. I was gonna be nothing more than a “Ditch Digger” to her. She told me that countless times. I never told her how I felt, and wished I had. She was hot and cold and not a great mom. Yes, they helped me from time to time, but mostly it was all negative. I came from a cold loveless home. I was the black sheep, the whipping boy…and it made me stronger. I hold no ill will towards my family. I wish them all well…they go their way, I go mine. I do not want to reconnect. Too much damage has been done.

I am now 63 years old and happier than I have ever been. I would not change my career for anything…. changing families…well thats for another day….